Adopted love is waited for, hoped for, and worked for love.

All things in life that are worth having are worth waiting for. That is what Grandma always said.

I have learned to understand for real; not just with my voice, the heart of an adopting parent.

I have watched my thinking change, altering the innocent misunderstanding that once encompassed the topic of adoption in my mind. I could have babies. I had three of them - one after another. It was with hard work, active emotions and a full heart that I did this. Occasionally, I would tease someone, I think I'll adopt the next
one as if it would take away the work, the wakeful nights, the waiting and the emotional toll. Little did I know that I would one day get my wish.

At age 29, I had my last pregnancy and was told no more babies! I had a needed hysterectomy and assumed my family was complete.

I was not sad then, as I had full arms, two in diapers and one toddling around. Pure busy joy occupied my days and the happy exhaustion accompanied my nights.

I have been there, done that, and I want to go there and do that again! That is adoption. It is wanting a baby, a child, your first or your next. It knows no easy path. It is a process of finding out you are, expecting, planning, waiting, overly emotional moments, cravings, preoccupied thoughts, trouble sleeping through the night, not from an enlarged tummy, but from your swelling heart.

When I want to know what you will look like. I want to hold you, breathe you in and never let you go!

The same as my pregnancies! This can't be real. I thought I would escape all of this by adopting. I want my baby and want it now! How familiar it all is. I am not carrying my baby physically, but emotionally! I will live through it and I will be glad when this hard labor is over.

I do not have morning sickness; I have 'mourning' sickness. I do not crave pickles and ice-cream, I crave phone calls, emails, pager beeps, and letters! I have nightmares and wonderful dreams just like when I was pregnant. The most common one goes like this:

The phone's ringing... I sprint the memorized fasted path to the phone, heart pounding, mind racing... hello? All in a split second ... I think it all and feel it all... Is it my baby? Is it the agency? Is it a birth parent?

Hello, are you the lady of the house? You have been selected to see our free demonstration of easy glide vinyl windows..? CLICK!! I wake up, another day of waiting.

I am a Mom and I want to be one again. I know adopted love, my niece is proof that it is as strong, as binding, as hard, as wonderful and as totally worth it all! She is adopted and she is loved. I think she says it best in her sweet preschooler
voice, "I'm adopted!" She knows adopted means love and love is what the world needs!

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Since penning this, we adopted a wonderful boy through an open adoption and he is worth much more than any struggles the adoption process can be. Truly, I can say I KNOW adopted love . As I wrap my arms around his tiny body and kiss his fuzzy head. I know Adoption is not my son, adoption is how we found each other.

© Barbara Richardson